Monday, January 23, 2006

A Shadow and Things to Come

It’s a Monday. We came back to Birmingham Sunday night, not quite as fresh as I had hoped, but still better for having been home resting for two days. This week’s therapy schedule isn’t two-a-days like the past two weeks. Some days she has one session and others she has two. Today she had only one session, in the afternoon.

The knee immobilizer that Sarah Kate has been wearing (alternating legs each night) has been making tender red marks on her knees, so it was decided today that she have casts made instead. The casts are not the same as the serial casting that was anticipated, but are instead a “homemade” knee immobilizer. Casts were made of each leg (bright green!); they were then cut off and padding was affixed to the edges. They also added Velcro strips to hold the casts closed when she is wearing them. The casts will need to be worn each night while she sleeps. Sarah Kate is not very comfortable in them – having both knees braced is much less comfortable than just one – and I’ve heard her complaining from the other room. I went in one time to see if I needed to help her in some way, but all she wanted was for me to take them off.

Another shadow over us today is Sarah Kate’s apparent need for control. Both the therapists and I had a difficult time with her again. I say “control” because most of the problems occurred when she was expected to do something specific – get dressed, try to walk, eat dinner, etc. I had to leave the room during PT again, and could hear her saying over and over, like a broken record, “My mommy is going to come back and take me home.” She didn’t want to walk, with her canes or otherwise, although she is doing very well with the canes. She threw a large toy she was holding while Lisa helped her to walk, then later, threw each of her canes. She walked to me at the end of the day using the canes and gave me a big hug. I actually thought Lisa might tear up at the display – little does she know, I’m only the hero when I’m there, not back here at the apartment. When she began to cooperate, Lisa encouraged her to try walking with just one cane, which she has never been able to do before. Although she hated it, she was able to do it, and I was encouraged about her future prospects.

The bright spot in our day was when we saw a little boy I’ll call “B.” B had SDR surgery in September, and he is walking independently. I had spoken with B’s mother prior to Sarah Kate’s surgery, and we have seen him each Monday that we have been here. B’s daddy told me that Sarah Kate reminds him a lot of B at the same stage. When I expressed hope that Sarah Kate may walk as well as B, he would say to me with confidence “she will.” Over and over, I was hesitant and cautious in what I said, but every time he came back with a firm “she will.” It reminded me of a time long ago when a friend of mine insisted, over all of my hoping and calculating and worrying, that what I longed for would absolutely come to pass. She said it with a confidence that I didn’t feel, but you know what? She was absolutely right, and when I looked back on it later, I could see that God was speaking to me through her that day.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1

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